HOPE

I think too much. My close friends will surely attest to this. But as I was sitting on my porch tonight I turned to look at the spider web I have observed for weeks now I saw that the web had disintegrated to practically nothing and the spider was gone. Do spiders move? Or did it meet its fateful end to the appetite of a bird? I do not know. I had seen this spider build and rebuild its web time and time again as the forces of nature had impacted its home. My mind then turned to the trees. Ablaze in their fiery glory; all the leaves taking in their last few gulps of life. I started thinking about death. I know, it is a dreary thing to think about. But there has been so much death lately I cannot help it. Not only in the ecological sense but also in the lives of so many people I know. A good friend lost her father a few days ago. It was not after a long battle with a disease, but after a long life he was suddenly taken by a heart attack. Surely there were ends left untied. Words left unsaid. Dreams left unfulfilled. During this space we have between birth and death what are we doing to fill the time? And why is it said that people battle diseases when day in and day out people are battling with life?

I know I am not living to the aptitude, or the spiritual altitude, capable from within me. There are gifts God has given me that I leave buried beneath the soil strangled by the shadows of fear and selfishness. I live in a winding cycle of sins, also known as habits, which are both destructive and painful to my days, let alone to my future. So I am left with a simple question and not a single answer. What am I doing to fill this time given to me, this time, called life? All I know to pray is for hope. So for hope I shall pray.