Breathe Me In...

It's been a while since I decided to open my mind and allow it to spill on the paper..er...screen. Life lately has been fringed with an array of emotion. I don't like dealing with emotion...at least not in the public arena. Those closest I will open up to but others haven't a place in that area of ME. But it builds and the skin of my surface becomes an almost transparent thin layer. Perhaps it is just this day that has been the pin prick in the side of my recent fragility. I don't know. I fear suddenly, mid shift at work or something, I will look down and will find myself crumbled on the floor; a pile of colorful mosaic pieces. I have been here many times before. Each time an old part of me dies and new strength is born. Bitch. Moan. Groan. Get the fuck over it.
There is a sense of loneliness lately. Something is missing. Someone? Something? Someone? Something? It's not as if I have lost myself again things just feel different. I am different. Ironically something feels good about it. Creativity peaks when I am like this.
Since my last entry...
~I quit SunTrust- the job that spawned from lucifer
~Ended a relationship...short lived relationship but he was way more involved in it than I was...
~started waiting tables again
~rekindled a lot of fizzled out friendships
~finally got my car fixed
~i'm moving in with my sister
a lot more has happened but I am never completely open on this damn thing. there's only so much I let through the filter of my mind.

There have been some interesting people come into my life recently. One in particular. I'd like to dissect his brain and wrap myself in his mind. He is so intriguing...I get bits and pieces of him but I want more. I don't know the weight of his world. I wonder if he'll find me...see me...me....I'm standing on the edge and it makes me nervous; vulnerable. It may hurt but it would be worth it. I can't stay this bottled up forever.

So there's me. Open again...a little.